interesting

life is so interesting sometimes. Every experience I have never fails to leave me thinking to myself, "did that really happen?" Yeah, just thought I'd share. Bye now.

oh, and one more thing....

I just wanted to take a moment and say how thankful I am for my new friend Natalie. She has been such a blessing. Thanks Natalie for being such a sweet coworker and friend! You're a gift to me! (oh, and did I mention too that I get sappy when I'm tired....yeah, well it's true).

Rock On

So, I haven't been sleeping very well the last three nights....well, that doesn't necessarily make for the most energetic days (although, somehow I'm holding it together....theme verse that keeps me going....Colossians 3:17...amazing verse). The cool thing about me though is that when I'm exhausted, I don't get cranky, I usually just get silly...and laugh a lot...so that's a good thing then...bring on the sleepiness...sleep? Who needs it! (see? silly) I don't know what my deal is, it's just like I can't fall asleep, and I toss and turn, and wake up a lot (yeah, being a person that thinks too much has it's downsides). However....in the tired state that I'm in, I think I've reached my max. So yeah, pray that I can sleep like a baby tonight...well...actually...no...more like a rock, yes I prefer to sleep like a rock. As my good friend said to me tonight...ROCK ON! (ok, yeah, obviously I'm tired) That is all. Oh and for those of you who understand spanish (bad spanish).....te quiero y te extrano y deseo que yo estuviera alla contigo!!!! BESOS!

oh and want to check out a SWEET organization (VERY rachel)...go HERE:

Don't ignore this

"When the son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit on the throne of his glory. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats, and he will put the sheep at his right hand and the goats at the left. Then the king will say to those at his right hand, 'Come, you that are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me.' Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry and gave you food, or thirsty and gave you something to drink? And when was it that we saw you a stranger and welcomed you, or naked and gave you clothing? And when was it that we saw you sick or in prison and visited you?' And the king will answer them, 'Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me.' Then he will say to those at his left hand, 'You that are accursed, depart from me into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels; for I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not give me clothing, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.' Then they also will answer, 'Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not take care of you?' Then he will answer them, 'Truly I tell you, just as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.' And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life."
Matthew 25:31-46

Hmmm....does it seem like Jesus took the issue of poverty and how we treat the hungry seriously? I think so......something to think about: Almost half the world.....two billion people....live on less than $2 per day, and one billion people live on less than $1 a day. About 30,000 children die every single day from utterly preventable causes....hunger, diseases due to hunger, unsafe drinking water, etc..things that we could change if we just wanted to.....shosh told me just the other day "what lights a room better? one big candle or a million small birthday candles? You don't have to go do some huge thing...just one little candle at a time makes a difference." Don't be discouraged, those of you that feel the Lord calling you to love the poor more than yourselves, more than your own comfort...(and you don't have to be a genius to notice in the bible, that means all of us), doing even one little thing makes a difference. I pray that I will be taking steps in my own life to not ignore poverty any longer. And for all of you who are doing this, who are going out there and loving them with all you can, I praise God for you and continue to pray for you.

Yes, go out there and preach the gospel in word and in truth BUT do it in your actions as well.

May the Lord bless you all my dear sweet family and friends.

ps...

Yep, and you observed correctly. I'm totally at home on a Saturday night writing in my blog. Go me and my social life! Hey, no shame in that. ;-)

Neglect

I know! I've been neglecting you my blog readers! I apologize for leaving you hanging these days, but really, I haven't had a lot to fill you in on. That's the truth. Just been working at my new job...people hunting away (I like calling in it that instead of recruiting...more fun). :-) So yeah, been working, meeting new friends at work. I went to church with Natalie (a new friend from work) last week. We went to the Flood here in SD. It was awesome....the pastor spoke about spiritual gifts....seems to be a common theme of all the sermons I've been hearing as of late. I thought of you my becka because I swear this dude has been listening to some Mark. I figured you'd approve. Seriously though, it was awesome to be at that church. To be surrounded by people who all share something with me that is so important. And even though my relationship with God isn't at it's prime, doesn't matter, it was encouraging to be around my brothers and sisters. I'm so going back tomorrow. But yeah, spiritual gifts, interesting stuff. I'm pretty sure I know what mine is, but I have to think about it a bit more. I'd love to hear about yours so email me at rachelrathburn@gmail.com, and tell me!

So, I read Colossians tonight. I'm glad I did. A short book but so wonderful. I especially love Chapter 3 when it talks about what it means to follow Christ in our everyday lives. Here, let me give you just a little bit of it:

"So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful. Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God. Whatever you do in word of deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father" Col. 3:12-17

Hmmmm....not bad eh? ;-) Or pretty freaking amazing I should say. I love the part about love. I could go off on some normal rachel rant right now, but I'm not going to. One, it's late and my mind is all over the place, and two, God's word can speak for itself. Let me ask you though, how do you see that in your life? How are you "putting on love"? Are you looking at those in need with empathy yet doing nothing about it? Has the Lord placed people in your life that may need you, yet you are too focused on loving yourself (and I'm totally guilty about this) to notice? Listen, I'm not being judgemental or preachy, I'm just pointing out things I've noticed in my life, that's all. Humans (yep, that means all of us) don't have a natural inclination to love selflessly. It's a conscious thing we need to do a lot of the time....so hey, DO IT! It doesn't need to be some huge thing either. You don't need to go on some save the world campaign (although, some of you might be called to that). Just pray that the Lord will open your eyes to how you can actively love those around you more selflessly, and believe me, be prepared to experience Jesus in a beautiful way....it is when we love and love selflessly, that we draw even closer to His heart. I mean, comon...who loves more selflessly than Him right? So, feeling distant from God lately? 1- go read your bible and spend some time with Him, and 2-Go love someone, and really love them. ...then tell me what happens to that distance. Alright, I totally said I wasn't going to rant, and I did just that. Stop rach. I love you all and I'm praying for you even more. May we all be free from ourselfishness to truly love those around us. Goodnight!

Walking through the door

Hello everyone...I don't have a lot of time to dazzle you with many words tonight (I know...I can just feel your tears). The reason for this is because I have some reading to do for...wait for it...MY NEW JOB! Yep, that's right. I got a job at a company called SMS.ac as a Recruiter. Today was my first day, and so far, I'm loving it. The company culture is sweet, and I feel like I fit right in....it has just been one day, but I'm sure I'll do great there...I'll keep you updated as the days go on. :-) Thank you for all your prayers about my job here in SD. It's funny, this job just came out of the blue. I totally wasn't expecting to be working at a great place the week after I got back from Chile. Just another example of how the Lord provides and opens those doors. I don't know why I stress so much sometimes about stuff like this...He's always proved Himself faithful to me and to my needs. So yeah, thanks God!

I also went to SLO this last weekend. It was not long enough but it was awesome all the same. I got to see a lot of the people that I had missed so much (exception: Sky dweller and Bdub...:(). It was awesome to catch up with people that I love and have missed so much. I must admit, it was VERY difficult for me to come home on Sunday, that's for sure. I was thinking about it as I was driving home on Sunday...just about how one of the main reasons that I moved to SD has recently gone away, and if I hadn't had found a job so quickly, I probably would have just gone back to SLO. That made me think about just how much the Lord directs our lives. Here He gave me this job right away, before my visit to SLO, in order to bring me back to SD (at least, that's what I think). And yes, even though I'm feeling super lonely and more sad than happy as of late, it brings me so much comfort to know that I'm where He wants me...I am excited to see what He wants to teach me during this time and just how He wants to use my new job and new city and MANY life adjustments for His glory. I just pray that I can keep my eyes on Him and not get distracted by all this change. Alright, off I go to read....I love you all and thanks for your prayers.

Oh, one more thing...I got my hair trimmed this weekend...my hair is happy now. I love going to the hairdresser...it's like a super cheap trip to the psychologist...and boy did she get an ear-full. But shhhh...don't say anything or she might just start charging for helping me maintain my sanity as well as my hair. ;-)

Memories

Hi everyone. Here I am again....I know the last posting was kinda derpressing...sorry bout that, it's good to be real though, and life isn't always roses (as I'm sure you all know). Not sure how this one will turn out, just usually write what's on my mind as it comes....could be promising though because I'm not AS down as I was when I wrote that one, so that's a good sign. I'm sitting in a coffee shop on Coronado Island where they serve good vegetarian food and even better coffee, and not to mention have free wireless, so yeah, that always helps the mood. I went to eat bagels with my dad this morning before I came here, and that was fun. He did his crossword while I told him all about different countries I want to visit....so yeah, the usual. :-) I like this place (Coronado) a lot...I feel like I'm not in the real world, but in some little vacation spot. It's as close as you can get to a small town in San Diego, and I must say I enjoy it very much. Especially when they have good coffee shops with food for us green folk.

I was thinking today about memories. I love them and I hate them. It's like, I have all these wonderful memories from the last four years of my life (well, more than that, but I'm referring to certain ones in a certain time period), memories of wonderful times, and then suddenly they become sour. Don't get me wrong, they are still happy memories, but when I think of them, they only make me hurt. Gosh, I hate that. If we didn't have memories then that would totally suck, but then again, it sucks to have them too. Seriously, I feel somewhat afraid to have any more experiences that might make memories with the same fate as the ones I'm referring to. Memories with people that we eventually have to let go from our lives. Obviously, I'm not going to push away any person that can be or is significant in my life and just dwell in my room from now until death with my cat (although, i can still have memories with the cat...so, maybe i should put him outside the room and keep the door closed..yeah, good idea), but seriously, the fear is there...the fear to get close to another person, to let them into my heart, my life. But that's what life is about...it's risky, it's an adventure, and to live it in fear is not what the Lord desires for us. We were NOT created to be afraid, especially to be afraid of being close to other peeps. How often have we surrendered our freedom under the weight of our fears? It's amazing how much power relationships have in our life, meeting just one person can change you completely...scary. Scary good though...I just pray that someday I'll be able to do it again...someday FAR away. So yeah, I'm ok...it's just when those memories will suddenly pop in my head and I can feel that pain in my stomach like a brick wall...the pain of missing someone, the realization that a part of you is gone. When I feel that though, I can do one of two things....ignore it or embrace it (notice how I did NOT say dwell on it). I was talking to someone the other day who said when someone leaves your life, you need to grieve otherwise you'll never recover. Well, we all know I'm SUPER good at putting all those emotions up on the shelf, behind all the boxes, where I can't see them, BUT I have decided to grieve...I have decided not to ignore. So when that feeling comes and the haunting of past good times come upon me, I feel it, I take it and leave it off the shelve, and bring God right along with me. It's quite an interesting thing embracing your emotions, but not letting them control you(hence the reason God needs to be there)...Maybe you should try it. Although, I know some of you who are SUPER good at that...*cough* becka...hehe. Thanks so much becka for showing me and helping me to grow in so many ways. You're a blessing. Alright, now I've totally been rambling...hmmm...perhaps a sign that MAYBE I'm on the road to becoming Rachel again...maybe an even new and improved EMOTIONAL Rachel...I know, hard to imagine. :-) Thanks for your prayes....I need them, they bring me peace.

I shall run the way of your commandments, for You will enlarge my heart
Psalm 119:32
(May the Lord enlarge my heart and yours to love and love freely, without fear)

Where I am

Hola! So, yep, it's true. I am back in the United States. I arrived yesterday morning at 7am after my 12 hour jump between continents. The flight went well, lots of ipod usage and mouth wide open sleeping that happens whenever I'm left to sleep sitting up. Always a relief when I wake up WITHOUT anything random chillin in my mouth (like little balls of paper...yep, it has happened). And now I'm here...in Irvine at my mom's house. I must admit, it's a bit weird to be back. I was sitting here today thinking about where I've found myself now, today. I was thinking just about how it is exactly what I would not have guessed nor expected to be after my trip. The Lord showed me a lot (understatement) and it was good but hard (more emphasis on the hard), and here I am. Feeling lonely....I don't want to go into details about what happened. My brain is tired and my heart just hurts too much for that. (don't worry, I'm ok....didn't go off the deep end). I just don't feel like sharing everything on this blog, for the world to see...I don't know, maybe someday, but not now (those of you who know me already know most everything anyways). I WILL share though that the Lord is good. He is in control and has a way of directing our lives by opening and closing doors, and even by allowing us to follow our own paths for a while until we (sometimes reluctantly and screaming) come crawling back to His thrown. I have realized how much I need Him and just how good I am at ignoring Him at times, and I've been "sleeping"...yep, sleeping and now I'm experiencing the consequences of what happens when we live in dream world. Back to reality Rach...yep, eyes opened. HE is THE only reality...the ONLY thing that matters, the ONLY thing we have that is solid in this world of constant changing circumstances. The Lord loves us so unselfishly...wow...what a lessoned I've learned about what it means to love unselfishly. He does what's best for us, even if that means hurting us (ie. ear and recent plunge into loneliness). One of the most important people in my life always says, "God doesn't waste pain." I know (and sometimes hope with all myheart) that this is true. The Lord has shown this to me not only through His love, but by also giving me several human examples in my life....examples whom I praise and will continue to praise God for as long as I live on this silly (but beautiful) planet. Yeah, I'm totally sorry I'm being so vague, but hey, it's my blog, so if you don't want to read anymore, I have several links to the right of this blog that you might find more interesting...all very wonderful peeps not to mention entertaining writers. ;-) Right now, even if it doesn't make sense, I just need you to listen. That's all. Don't ask questions or try and guess, just listen and pray for me. And I also ask that you don't get worried...seriously, I might seem (correction, am) depressed, but I'm the best I've been in a long time because I'm the closest to being in the right place than I have been in a really long time (if that makes sense). I am fine and will be even better in time....He is faithful. Thank you so much for all your love and prayers, they are felt and needed. Thank you for wanting God's best for me. Now I just pray that I can want the same for myself. I love you all........I'll leave you with a song lyric that has pushed itself into my life experience yet again (oh how I love music).....

"now it's time to get out of the desert and into the sun, even if it's alone." The Format