The shade of His hand

ok, so the following poem that I am about to type is one that I have included in my blog before. However, I feel the meaning has become much for personal to me now. When I read it again it was almost like an entirely different poem. I love that. It's like when I first "met" the poem we got along well, could relate and connect on a good level, but as I've grown and changed so has the message. I now can relate even more deeply to what the author was saying and it has changed me. How beautiful is that...of course, the word of God is like that WAY more, but it goes for everything really. A good poem or good book or good song...they're like people...the more we get to know them, the more see them for what they truly are, the beauty (however hidden) becomes more beautiful and vice versa, the emptiness becomes more empty...sometimes you just have to give them a chance. Ok, so I have a few other things I'd like to share with you, but I want to put the poem up first...

Hound of Heaven by Francis Thompson

I fled Him down the nights and down the days
I fled Him down the arches of the years
I fled Him down the labryinthe ways
of my own mind: and in the midst of tears
I hid from Him, and under running laughter
up vistaed hopes I sped;
Down titanic glooms of chasmed fears
from those strong feet that followed, the followed after
for though I knew His love that followed
Yet I was sore adread
Lest having Him I have naught else beside
"All that I took from thee I did but take
Not for thy harms
but just that thou might'st seek it in my arms
all which thy child's mistake fancies are lost
I have stored for thee at home:
Rise, clasp my hand and come."
Halts by me thy footfall:
is my gloom afterall
shade of His hand, outstreched caressingly.
Ah, fondest, blindest, weakest,
I am He whom thou seekest!
Thou dravest love from thee; that dravest me.

Oh MAN...how AWESOME is that poem, right???? Ok, so I know maybe you're not into poetry like I am, but come on...that line about the gloom being the shade of his hand...how beautiful. Ok, so I said that I had more to say and that's true. Here's the deal, I realized recently (thanks for helping me with that shosh) that I'm super quick to share the sorrow and then hold off more on the joyful part of what's going on in my life. That is WAY LAME and I'm sorry. I honestly don't want any of you to worry that I'm sinking into depression or losing my mind, because the truth is, I'm not. I'm fine...better than fine actually, fantastic. I have been in the belly of that stinky fish and I cried out to the Lord and FINALLY have been spit out. I find myself exactly where I was originally supposed to be, in the right place. It's cool because the whole time Jonah was in the belly....the whale was swimming...swimming right back to the shores of Assyria which is where Jonah needed to go...that's where it spit him out (he was spit out as soon as he cried out to God). So yes, maybe it felt like he was stuck and not moving but he really was...God brought him back to the place He had originally intended for Him by means of this fish. Well, I feel like that, I'm on the shores. I know what the Lord wanted me to learn was that all that I needed, all that I need, comes from Him. Stop striving Rach and seeking and struggling, I'm right here. You see, I have often times thought that my issue with God was my inability to accept His love or love Him...but I'm not so sure that's the case actually. I think the underlying thing was I didn't trust Him (how do you open up fully to someone you don't trust? you don't). I didn't trust Him to direct my life (I would have SAID that but didn't actually believe it when I look back on my actions and attempts to control my own life, to be completely independent, even from the Lord). When I would get afraid I would take things into my own hands, not trusting Him, not trusting that He would come through...so yeah, it was totally a trust issue, because really, come on, the only fear we are to have is the fear of the Lord. Well, I'm happy to declare to the world (well, the whole world doesn't read my blog...but you know what I mean) that I'm not afraid anymore. He has removed my fears from me and He has given me comfort and drawn me near and I can honestly say I have never loved Him more than I do at this point. I love the weaning that is provided through the storms of this life...it's like it weans us from striving after what we want and allows us to focus on the important things, what God wants. So yeah, anyways, I am finally where I'm supposed to be and it's awesome...as I've said in the previous post...I'm home and I trust my Father to carry me and direct my life. I'm not depressed, I promise....I'm at peace and full of joy. I OF COURSE pray all the same things for you my dear friends and family! Thank you for everyone who continually prays for me and also for having patience for me when I vanish into my little caves of thought...yes, I truly am an introvert. God bless!