Where I am

Hola! So, yep, it's true. I am back in the United States. I arrived yesterday morning at 7am after my 12 hour jump between continents. The flight went well, lots of ipod usage and mouth wide open sleeping that happens whenever I'm left to sleep sitting up. Always a relief when I wake up WITHOUT anything random chillin in my mouth (like little balls of paper...yep, it has happened). And now I'm here...in Irvine at my mom's house. I must admit, it's a bit weird to be back. I was sitting here today thinking about where I've found myself now, today. I was thinking just about how it is exactly what I would not have guessed nor expected to be after my trip. The Lord showed me a lot (understatement) and it was good but hard (more emphasis on the hard), and here I am. Feeling lonely....I don't want to go into details about what happened. My brain is tired and my heart just hurts too much for that. (don't worry, I'm ok....didn't go off the deep end). I just don't feel like sharing everything on this blog, for the world to see...I don't know, maybe someday, but not now (those of you who know me already know most everything anyways). I WILL share though that the Lord is good. He is in control and has a way of directing our lives by opening and closing doors, and even by allowing us to follow our own paths for a while until we (sometimes reluctantly and screaming) come crawling back to His thrown. I have realized how much I need Him and just how good I am at ignoring Him at times, and I've been "sleeping"...yep, sleeping and now I'm experiencing the consequences of what happens when we live in dream world. Back to reality Rach...yep, eyes opened. HE is THE only reality...the ONLY thing that matters, the ONLY thing we have that is solid in this world of constant changing circumstances. The Lord loves us so unselfishly...wow...what a lessoned I've learned about what it means to love unselfishly. He does what's best for us, even if that means hurting us (ie. ear and recent plunge into loneliness). One of the most important people in my life always says, "God doesn't waste pain." I know (and sometimes hope with all myheart) that this is true. The Lord has shown this to me not only through His love, but by also giving me several human examples in my life....examples whom I praise and will continue to praise God for as long as I live on this silly (but beautiful) planet. Yeah, I'm totally sorry I'm being so vague, but hey, it's my blog, so if you don't want to read anymore, I have several links to the right of this blog that you might find more interesting...all very wonderful peeps not to mention entertaining writers. ;-) Right now, even if it doesn't make sense, I just need you to listen. That's all. Don't ask questions or try and guess, just listen and pray for me. And I also ask that you don't get worried...seriously, I might seem (correction, am) depressed, but I'm the best I've been in a long time because I'm the closest to being in the right place than I have been in a really long time (if that makes sense). I am fine and will be even better in time....He is faithful. Thank you so much for all your love and prayers, they are felt and needed. Thank you for wanting God's best for me. Now I just pray that I can want the same for myself. I love you all........I'll leave you with a song lyric that has pushed itself into my life experience yet again (oh how I love music).....

"now it's time to get out of the desert and into the sun, even if it's alone." The Format