Beautiful Compassion

So, I've recently (as you can probably tell from my blogs) experienced just a bit (well, maybe quite a bit) of brokeness. I feel like the prodigal son (daughter) who has returned at last to her welcoming and compassionate father. Brokeness truly is beautiful...it's made beautiful by the beauty of the compassion that surrounds it. I am reading the book The Return of the Prodigal Son (FANTASTIC BOOK) by Nouwen, and in the book he has a description of Jesus Christ as a form of the prodigal son. It's beautiful, and as always, I'd like to share. Enjoy!

"He, who is born not from human stock, or human desire or human will, but from God himself everything that was under his footstool and he left with his inheritance, his title of Son, and the whole ransom price. He left for a far country....the faraway land...where he became as human beings are and emptied himself. His own people did not accept him and his first bed was a bed of straw! Like a root in arid ground, he grew up before us, he was despised, the lowest of men, before whom one covers his face. Very soon, he came to know exile, hostility, loneliness...After having given away everything in a life of bounty, his worth, his peace, his light, his truth, his life...all the treasures of knowledge and wisdom and the hidden mystery kept secret for endless ages; after having lost himself among the lost children of the house of Israel, spending his time with the sick, with the sinners, and even with the prostitutes to whom he promised entrance into the Kingdom of his Father; after having been treated as a glutton and a drunkard, as a friend of tax collectors and sinners, as a Samaritan, a possessed, a blasphemer; after having offered everything, even his body and his blood; after having felt deeply in himself sadness, anguish, and a troubled soul; after having gone to the bottom of despair, with which he voluntarily dressed himself as being abandoned by his Father far away from the source of living water, he cried out from the cross on which he was nailed: 'I am thirsty.' He was laid to rest in the dust and the shadow of death. And there, on the third day, he rose up from the depths of hell to where he had descended, burdened with the crimes of us all, he bore our sins, our sorrows he carried. Standing straight, he cried out: 'Yes, I am ascending to my Father, and your Father, to my God, and your God.' And he reascended to heaven. Then in the silence, looking at his Son and all his children, since his Son had become all in all, the Father said to his servants, 'Quick! Bring out the best robe and put it on him; put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet; let us eat and celebrate! Because my children who, as you know, were dead have returned to life; they were lost and have been found again! My prodigal Son has brought them all back.' They all began to have a feast dressed in their long robes, washed white in the blood of the Lamb."

What beautiful compassion.

Ephesians 1:13-23

In Him, you also, after listening to the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation--having also believed, you were sealed in Him with the Holy Spirit of promise, who is given as a pledge of our inheritance, with a view to the redemption of God's own possession, to the praise of His glory. For this reason I too, having heard of the faith in the Lord Jesus which exists among you and your love for all the saints, do not cease giving thanks for you, while making mention of you in my prayers; that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give to you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowlege of Him. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe. These are in accordance with the working of the strength of His might which He brought about in Christ, when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly places, far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come. An He put all things in subjection under His feet, and gave Him as head over all things to the church, which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills all in all.


I pray these words for you as well my family and friends....as Paul says, " that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give to you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowlege of Him. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe."

I love you.

I have returned

So, I have recently returned to my tea tree oil practices...yes, that's right....it's about time I brought that strong (but clean) smell back into my life (I know my old roommates know what I'm talking about). Hmm...perhaps this is representative of the Lord bringing me back to the places I was supposed to be in the first place...OR perhaps I'm just reading into something so simple as face wash. Either way, welcome back tea tree!

Repeating myself

So, I wanted to post something that I've posted in the past (two days in a row!!). Seriously though, I feel like I keep learning the same things over and over in my life...which is ok. :-) Hmmm...maybe the repetition will make the lesson stick, and hey, it's good to remind ourselves constantly of the things that the Lord teaches us (we humans are pros at forgetting). Be blessed today!

"I was reading my bible this morning and praying, and the Lord convicted me of my closed heart to His will. I was praying for His will, yes....but I was moreso praying for His "seal of approval" on what I thought His will is for my life. That's so not ok, if you ask me, yet....I was still doing it. My prayer has now changed....I'm learning that I have to pray with an open heart, open mind, and open ears ... and not pray that God will put a "seal of approval" on what I think is His will for me. Just to GET to that point, to be truly open to Him, I also have to pray, alot! It's kind of a "double prayer" effort ... first I have to pray that He will open up those closed parts of me, and remind me that He is in control. I know I will be amazed at just how the Holy Spirit will start to guide my thinking, just because of those prayers. And once the Holy Spirit has worked on me, to answer that first prayer, the second prayer (revealing His true purpose and will) will be clearly, readily and speedily answered."

The shade of His hand

ok, so the following poem that I am about to type is one that I have included in my blog before. However, I feel the meaning has become much for personal to me now. When I read it again it was almost like an entirely different poem. I love that. It's like when I first "met" the poem we got along well, could relate and connect on a good level, but as I've grown and changed so has the message. I now can relate even more deeply to what the author was saying and it has changed me. How beautiful is that...of course, the word of God is like that WAY more, but it goes for everything really. A good poem or good book or good song...they're like people...the more we get to know them, the more see them for what they truly are, the beauty (however hidden) becomes more beautiful and vice versa, the emptiness becomes more empty...sometimes you just have to give them a chance. Ok, so I have a few other things I'd like to share with you, but I want to put the poem up first...

Hound of Heaven by Francis Thompson

I fled Him down the nights and down the days
I fled Him down the arches of the years
I fled Him down the labryinthe ways
of my own mind: and in the midst of tears
I hid from Him, and under running laughter
up vistaed hopes I sped;
Down titanic glooms of chasmed fears
from those strong feet that followed, the followed after
for though I knew His love that followed
Yet I was sore adread
Lest having Him I have naught else beside
"All that I took from thee I did but take
Not for thy harms
but just that thou might'st seek it in my arms
all which thy child's mistake fancies are lost
I have stored for thee at home:
Rise, clasp my hand and come."
Halts by me thy footfall:
is my gloom afterall
shade of His hand, outstreched caressingly.
Ah, fondest, blindest, weakest,
I am He whom thou seekest!
Thou dravest love from thee; that dravest me.

Oh MAN...how AWESOME is that poem, right???? Ok, so I know maybe you're not into poetry like I am, but come on...that line about the gloom being the shade of his hand...how beautiful. Ok, so I said that I had more to say and that's true. Here's the deal, I realized recently (thanks for helping me with that shosh) that I'm super quick to share the sorrow and then hold off more on the joyful part of what's going on in my life. That is WAY LAME and I'm sorry. I honestly don't want any of you to worry that I'm sinking into depression or losing my mind, because the truth is, I'm not. I'm fine...better than fine actually, fantastic. I have been in the belly of that stinky fish and I cried out to the Lord and FINALLY have been spit out. I find myself exactly where I was originally supposed to be, in the right place. It's cool because the whole time Jonah was in the belly....the whale was swimming...swimming right back to the shores of Assyria which is where Jonah needed to go...that's where it spit him out (he was spit out as soon as he cried out to God). So yes, maybe it felt like he was stuck and not moving but he really was...God brought him back to the place He had originally intended for Him by means of this fish. Well, I feel like that, I'm on the shores. I know what the Lord wanted me to learn was that all that I needed, all that I need, comes from Him. Stop striving Rach and seeking and struggling, I'm right here. You see, I have often times thought that my issue with God was my inability to accept His love or love Him...but I'm not so sure that's the case actually. I think the underlying thing was I didn't trust Him (how do you open up fully to someone you don't trust? you don't). I didn't trust Him to direct my life (I would have SAID that but didn't actually believe it when I look back on my actions and attempts to control my own life, to be completely independent, even from the Lord). When I would get afraid I would take things into my own hands, not trusting Him, not trusting that He would come through...so yeah, it was totally a trust issue, because really, come on, the only fear we are to have is the fear of the Lord. Well, I'm happy to declare to the world (well, the whole world doesn't read my blog...but you know what I mean) that I'm not afraid anymore. He has removed my fears from me and He has given me comfort and drawn me near and I can honestly say I have never loved Him more than I do at this point. I love the weaning that is provided through the storms of this life...it's like it weans us from striving after what we want and allows us to focus on the important things, what God wants. So yeah, anyways, I am finally where I'm supposed to be and it's awesome...as I've said in the previous post...I'm home and I trust my Father to carry me and direct my life. I'm not depressed, I promise....I'm at peace and full of joy. I OF COURSE pray all the same things for you my dear friends and family! Thank you for everyone who continually prays for me and also for having patience for me when I vanish into my little caves of thought...yes, I truly am an introvert. God bless!

Psalm 20

"May the Lord answer you in the day of trouble! May the name of God of Jacob set you securely on high! May He send you help from the sanctuary and support you from Zion! May He remember all you meal offerings and find your burnt offering acceptable! May He grant you your heart's desire and fulfill all your counsel! We will sing for joy over your victory, and in the name of of our God we will set up banners. May the Lord fulfill all your petitions. Now I know that the Lord saves His anointed; He will answer him from His holy heaven with the saving strength of His right hand. Some boast in chariots and some in horses, (basically riches or worldly glory) but we will boast in the name of the Lord, our God. They have bowed down and fallen, be we have risen and stood upright. Save O Lord; May the King answer us in the day we call."

Fish stomaches are smelly

Ok, so I've posted a lot today and yesterday. Probably because I've had NOTHING to do really today...just read and read and read...went on a walk to the beach, and read some more. Now I'm at my favorite coffee shop reasearching a company I have an interview with tomorrow (yep, that's right...interview in the morn) and READING some more!!! Craziness. Well, one thing a lot of you might know about me is that when I read I love to share the parts that I like the most. Just ask becka about living with me when I was reading Blue Like Jazz..."Oh my gosh becka! Can I just read you this one part real quick????" Yeah, well, one cool thing about having a blog is that I can do that ALL the time and no one has to listen unless they want to! It's perfect really. :-) So yeah, here I go a-sharing once again........(song lyrics first though...changed it up a bit). When I post things from songs or poems or books or the bible, they are just things that I can relate to or that I'm finding encouragement in. They are just another way for you to understand what's on my mind spiritually and emotionally pretty much. So if you're interested, keep reading. Love you all:

"Trace the shape of my heart until it becomes more familiar to Your eyes. Been lost without you, cold without your love, it's taken days and nights to make me realize. Rescue me from hanging on this line, I won't give up on giving you a chance to blow my mind. So take the place of my heart until I become a stranger to my life" Thanks for saying what I was feeling Jars of Clay. :-)

Ok, so yeah, I liked those lyrics...not so much a fan of the song really (sorry Jars) but I do love the lyrics. Also, I've been really focusing a lot on the story of Jonah...I feel like Jonah. Basically I realized that I had been sleeping in the midst of the storm that had been caused by my attempts to run from God. Well, I woke up. And like Jonah, have been tossed overboard...Jonah was willing to surrender himself completely because he told them to throw him overboard...he probably just figured he was going to die. And i'm sure a lot of you know the story, but just in case you don't, he gets swallowed by a whale and lives inside it for three days. While he's inside the fish he prays a pretty rad prayer (my prayer for this current time in my life...I'll put it at the bottom of this post) and then the fish spits him out on dry land and then jonah goes and does what it was God wanted him to do in the first place (talk to ninevah) and he stops running from God...obviously, there are other aspects of the story I'm not touching upon but you can go read those in the book of Jonah in the Old Testament. So yeah, I'm Jonah...Yes yes, I know you're a bit confused because all this time I've been telling you I'm rach...well, ok, fine, I'm still the green loving rach, but a part of me so deeply relates to Jonah and his story. So yeah, like I said, I've been running from God, then got "tossed" over board (into the sea of loneliness) BUT unlike Jonah I hung onto the side of the boat for a little while. Well, I'm happy to say that I have now let go completely and am basically chillin inside the whale. And boy does it stink and it's lonely and not fun, but hey, situations like this never are. I like to think about how Jonah must have felt inside the fish (sometimes I think that's so important when reading stories from the bible...since we already know what happens to jonah, that he gets spit out, we know it's all going to work out...I feel like sometimes I forget that the person going through it didn't know it was going to work out...I'll even say to myself, "oh yeah, so and so had faith, but hey, that's easy beause it always works out for them, and they even have God talking to them, not like today" Well, they didn't know everything was going to work out...and HEY, we have the holy spirit LIVING inside of us...as christians, who are we to say that we don't get direction from God just because His method changed and actually became more intimate...anyways, yeah when I place myself in their minds into their emotions...as much as a I can...I feel like it really adds depth to the story, and causes me to learn even more from it) ok, continuing on....While inside the fish, I'm pretty SURE that he didn't know he was going to be spit out...he probably thought he was going to die...his chances weren't looking so good. Still, he was willing to submit unto God even unto death, and yet our little running from God friend STILL held onto his faith while inside the stinky fish. How do I know this? well, take a look at his prayer he prays while inside the fish:

"I called out of my distress to the Lord, and He has answered me. I cried for help from the depth of Sheol; You heard my voice. For You had cast me into the deep, into the heart of the seas, and the current engulfed me. All Your breakers and billows passed over me. So I said, 'I have been expelled from Your sight. Nevertheless I will look again toward Your holy temple.' Water encompassed me to the point of death. The great deep engulfed me, weeds were wrapped around my head. I descended to the roots of the mountains. The earth with its bars was around me forever, but You have brought up my life from the pit, O Lord my God. While I was fainting away, I remembered the Lord, and my prayer came to You, into Your holy temple. Those who regard vain idols forsake their faithfulness, but I will sacrifice to You with the voice of thanksgiving. That which I have vowed I will pay. Salvation is from the Lord. " Jonah 2:2-9

Rad prayer don't you think????? And hey, guess what? after all that pain and suffering (I can BET that his experience was pretty bad) God's will and God's glory STILL came through...for example, the people on the boat during the storm that threw jonah overboard, became believers of God because of Jonah's disobedience AND Ninevah ended up repenting. So, as I am learning and trying not to forget, God is sovereign and God is good. When we run from God and are disobedient to God we can't stop his plan...we can suffer the consequences of our sin, like hurting our relationship with Him and hurting other peeps. However, God keeps his promises and wastes not one tear.

I praise you my dear sweet loving God...I praise you for the storm and for the fish...I praise you for not letting me run from you and reminding me that I am your child, and not only for welcoming me home with open and joyful arms, but for even running to me when you saw me coming (limping....crawling?) in the distance. Now is the time for rejoicing because at last I am home.

SOOOOOO...thanks for once again reading my long ramblings...like I've always said during the entire life of this blog...I tend to go in spurts...TONS of blogs for like a week...then nothing at all.

Letting go of the edge of the boat

I'm sure I have posted this little excerpt from the Old Testament before...guess there's just some of those scriptures we just keep coming back to. I was blessed by these words this morning and was filled with hope because of the great justice and wonderful goodness that comes from our Father. May you be blessed today as well. I cover you in my prayers.


Remember my affliction and my wandering, the wormwood and bitterness. Surely my soul remembers and is bowed down within me. This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope.
The Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. The Lord is my portion, says my soul, therefore I have hope in Him. The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks Him. It is good that he waits silently for the salvation of the Lord. IT is good for a man that he should bear the yoke in his youth. Let him sit alone and be silent since He has laid it on him. Let him put his mouth in the dust, perhaps there is hope. Let him give his cheek to the smiter, let him be filled with reproach. For the Lord will not reject forever, for if He causes grief, then He will have compassion according to HIs abundant lovingkindness. For He does not afflict willingly or grieve the sons of men. To crush under HIs feet all the prisoners of the land, to deprive a man of justice in the presence of the Most High, to defraud a man in his lawsuit--of these things the Lord does not approve. Who is there who speaks and it comes to pass, unless the Lord has commanded it? Is it not from the mouth of the Most HIgh that both good and ill go forth? Why should any living mortal or any man, offer complaint in view of his sins? Let me examine and probe my ways, and let me return to the Lord. I lift up my heart and hand toward God in heaven; I have transgressed and rebelled, You have not pardoned.....I called on Your name, O Lord, out of the lowest pit. You have heard my voice, do not hide Your ear from my prayer for relief, from my cry for help. You drew near when I called on You; You said, "Do not fear!" O Lord, You have pleaded my soul's cause; You have redeemed my life. O Lord, You have seen my oppression; judge my case."
Lamentations 3:19-42, 55-60

Surrendered unto the sea, completely, to the belly of the fish, but full of joy because FINALLY I am free.

"You are the Lord, not I. You know what's best; I don't. I'm not telling you what to do, I'm asking. I am totally dependent upon you. " This should be our attitude in prayer because He already knows what is best and what we need.

This is silly, but I'll play along....

So becka "tagged" me...I guess I'm supposed to list five little known facts about myself...hmmm...lets see (oh, and a lot of you will probably already know all these things):

1. I think Jesus is the most amazing person to ever walk the face of this earth, He is my Lord and I desire to love him with all my heart.
2. I like the color green
3. I don't eat meat and animals are one of my joys
4. I could read all day long
5. bands from the UK hold a special place in my heart...

What? You knew those things already? haha...ok, kidding, those are like some of the most well known facts about me...ok, for real now, although I'm still not sure what to put...

1. I want to join the Peace Corps someday (don't freak out parents)
2. When I was little one of my greatest joys was singing to cows on my grandpa's farm (yep mom, it's true)...they were my choir and OF COURSE sung along with me (well, in my mind anyways)
3. I am extremely anal when it comes to the cleanliness of my bed...I would NEVER get into my bed wearing my clothes from the day...yeah, maybe sounds kinda silly but it's kind of a HUGE deal with me. :-)
4. I can be stubborn at times (HAHAHAHAHA...ok, maybe not so little known huh?hehe)
5. I'm not as strong and independent as I like to seem (maybe you've already noticed that though)

oh and one more I forgot...I'm not perfect...hahahahaha...shocking isnt it? I know, could have fooled anyone!! riiiiiight rach. Alright, hope you enjoyed my little list and that you feel you've come that much closer to understanding the depths of rach (hey, maybe you could help me to understand them a little as well..sigh). Hope you're all doing well and remember that I love you. I need your prayers right now.

hmmm....I'm supposed to tag someone else as well...YOU'RE IT BDUB!!!!!!!!!!! TAG TAG TAG DUBSTER!

Job

Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I shall return there. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.
Job 1:21

Beauty of the depths

Emotion. Quite a thing emotion is. Have you ever been so overwhelmed by an emotion that you thought you literally could not handle it? You could feel it physically? You could literally feel your broken heart or overpowering joy? Yeah, pretty crazy. I've been learning a lot about emotion over the years. Not quite sure how I feel about it either (the whole love hate thing). For a great deal of my life I stayed in the land of the numb more or less....don't feel too much in either direction and you'll be ok. Yeah, bad idea, not to mention unhealthy (we need to learn to deal with our emotions and learn just how beautiful they are as young as possible). Well, certain things over the years have literally forced me to feel and as much as I kick and I scream against the pain or against the joy, I eventually have no choice but to break down, to give in. It's worth it. The amazing depths are worth the amazing heights and to force myself to hang out in middle land is wrong. Why is it that I can be so afraid of the depths of emotion (pain, sadness...etc) that I will push away anything that could possibly cause me to soar? Why must I only accept the suffering and be way to afraid to accept God's blessing? It's like when He chooses to bless me I just can't accept it...I can't believe it's real...oh rach, of little faith...yep, that's me. Yeah, so something I'm working on...why am I writing this so late at night? Well, got a big healthy dose of emotion tonight (and trust me, I have witnesses) and usually when that happens, my sleeping gets interrupted (yeah, imagine that)...so what I'm doing right now is trying to get my thoughts out and trying to embrace the good and the lessons that go along with what I'm feeling right now instead of just dwelling in the fact that I've reached the edge (more like jumped way over) of my strength and ability to control how I feel. So yeah, no worries my friends and family...I'm ok, I'm not going off the deep end...I'm just being extremely candid I guess (well, and a bit vague in a sense) and trying to get out what's going on. Sometimes I just need to get it out...we all need to do that. Why I choose to share it with you all, risking that you might all think I'm losing it and immediately jump to the top of everyone's prayer chain, I do not know. I guess I'm just crazy...oh well, real is the only thing I can be right now (especially at 1:30am). I do appreciate your prayers as always though and I love you so much.

one more time: DO NOT BE WORRIED. I AM FINE. IT'S ONE IN THE MORNING AND I'M PROBABLY JUST BEING TIRED AND SILLY AND I'LL HAVE A NICE BIG LAUGH AT THIS EMAIL IN THE MORNING. SO, ONCE AGAIN, I'M OK. GOT IT? fantastic! :-)

Happy New Year

Hello! Happy second day of the year!!! Hope your year is getting off to a good start. I'm not in a writing mood, so I'll make this short, but I just wanted to wish you all the best at the beginning of 2007. I love you all and God bless!