All things green.....

January 24, 2006

CS says it best really.....:-)

“This, so far as I can see, is the specific value or good of literature considered as Logos; it admits us to experiences other than our own....

They are not, any more than our personal experiences, all equally worth having. Some, as we say, 'interest' us more than others. The causes of this interest are naturally extremely various and differ from one man to another; it may be the typical (and we say 'How true!') or the abnormal (and we say 'How strange!'); it may be the beautiful, the terrible, the awe-inspiring, the exhilarating, the pathetic, the comic, or the merely piquant. Literature gives the entree to them all. Those of us who have been true readers all our life seldom fully realize the enormous exten­sion of our being which we owe to authors. We realize it best when we talk with an unliterary friend. He may be full of goodness and good sense but he inhabits a tiny world. In it, we should be suffocated. The man who is contented to be only himself; and therefore less a self; is in prison. My own eyes are not enough for me, I will see through those of others. Reality, even seen through the eyes of many, is not enough. I will see what others have invented. Even the eyes of all humanity are not enough. I regret that the brutes cannot write books. Very gladly would I learn what face things present to a mouse or a bee; more gladly still would I per­ceive the olfactory world charged with all the infor­mation and emotion it carries for a dog.
Literary experience heals the wound, without undermining the privilege, of individuality. There are mass emotions which heal the wound; but they destroy the privilege. In them our separate selves are pooled and we sink back into sub-individuality. But in reading great literature I become a thousand men and yet remain myself. Like the night sky in the Greek poem, I see with a myriad of eyes, but it is still I who see. Here, as in worship, in love, in moral action, and in knowing, I transcend myself; and am never more myself than when I do.”

(AEIC. 138-141) Lewis, C.S. An Experiment in Criticism.

January 17, 2006

It's not about me

"It is not simply that God has arbitrarily made us such that He is our only good. Rather God is the only good of all creatures: and by necessity, each must find its good in that kind and degree of the fruition of God which is proper to its nature. The kind and degree may vary with the creature's nature: but that there ever could be any other good, is an atheistic dream. George Macdonald represents God as saying to men, 'You must be strong with my strength and blessed with my blessedness, for I have no other to give you.' That is the conclusion of the whole matter. God gives what He has, not what He has not: He gives the happiness that there is, not the happiness that is not. To be God----to be like God and to share His goodness in creaturely response----to be miserable----these are the only three alternatives. If we will not learn to eat the only food that the universe grows---the only food that any possible universe ever can grow----then we must starve eternally." ~CS Lewis in Problem of Pain

I read this today, and I liked it. Not totally sure on my thoughts about it, because I'm not a cut-dry-there-are-x-amount-of-ways-to-live/experience-so-and-so kind of person. I used to be, but I have realized more and more that we can't put God in a reasonable, rational system. I am however encouraged by CS here. Yes, I do agree with him and see his point. God is the good of all creatures...I guess I'm just upset about how simple it seems: "to be like God and to share His goodness in creaturely response" simple sounding, yet so difficult for me. Do you ever feel like the miserable route is a whole lot more simple? I admit, being a christian can be miserable a lot of times...is that bad? I don't think so...I don't think that good and happiness are necessarily synonymous. So I guess at least when I'm miserable, it isn't an empty miserableness (is that a word?) Maybe I just need to get over myself and realize that this life is NOT ABOUT ME (hmm...quite a concept I know).

Nope, this life is not about me, and no....

Jesus didn't come to make me happy all the time....

I often complain about the expectations that I feel have been placed on me by Christianity (which I have learned is ABSOLUTELY silly for me to be complaining about). Jesus simply asks me to love him, that's all.

The next time I'm feeling down about certain pressures of my religion, I'm going to ask myself this question:

"What about the expectations/pressures we place on Jesus?"

I know I totally do that. I expect Him to give me certain things when I ask or am "good," or allow me to feel a certain way, and when He doesn't, I question Him, His legitamacy, and His compassion. So, who is REALLY being the one with all the expectations? Oh yes, guilty as charged. :-)

Yesterday, at church, Pastor Bryan talked about how the jewish people expected the messiah to be a certain way. To come in and save them from Rome, to be a great and powerful person...saving them from oppression, and when He was not what they had expected, many turned their backs on Jesus. What those didn't realize is that Jesus did rescue them from oppression of a deeper sort and that was achieved through pain and suffering. Even today, we expect Jesus to save us from certain things in certain ways, and when we ask Him, and He does not respond in the way we desire (taking away pain, making us happy, etc...), and instead we suffer, we sometimes reject him. I know I do that. Once again, I need to get over myself, and just embrace the fact that His ways are not our ways, and this life is NOT ABOUT ME!

Hmm..once more in a venting mood (it really does help though to get thoughts out on a "page").....if you can make sense of my thoughts because of their tendency to jump from one topic to another, then I'm impressed. I don't even know if I can, maybe just read CS, and disregard my ramblings...less complicated that way. God bless you my friends, and may you experience the simple gift that Jesus gives...the freedom that comes with NO expectations except for to love Him.

I love you all, I really do.

January 10, 2006

Such a great puppy


Just wanted to take a moment and say how much I love beagles. They are such adorable dogs! Especially one puppy in particular. He's so cute, I just want to take him home and feed him yummy vegetarian dog food all day long, and take him for walks...I'd even clean up after him when he pooped on the neighbor's lawn....I would probably train him not to do that though (hahaha) ;-)

January 05, 2006

New Years Resolutions

If I had a dollar for every instance in life that I've felt unable to live up to expectations and demands placed on the type of:
 
~person
~Christian
~girlfriend
~student
~friend
~employee
~etc.....
 
that I'm "supposed" to be....I'd be floating on a raft made of gold, floating in a pool filled with feelings of inadequacy......a pool I currently know all to well....and it is entirely my fault for trying so much to win the approval of others and being so hard on myself...guilt really affects me and I think wallowing is so lame...especially when I do it....yuck.  I know this isn't what Jesus intended for me, and I'm tired of living my life trying to uncover the next big issue that is separating me from Him.  I'm never going to be free from sin, and I'm never going to fit into the mold of what it means to be a good _______ (fill in the blank with the list above) due to the fact that everyone's view of that is different, oh yeah, and I'm the fact that I lack perfection.
 
Quite frankly, I'm exhausted. So I guess if I was going to make a new years resolution, or two (a practice which I normally despise) they would be: 
 
1- Love others (learning to love them more than myself...very hard thing for us humans, me especially) without trying to win their acceptance, and not thinking I'm a terrible person by not living up certain standards, especially my own. The only standards that I should care about are our Lord's, which are high or course, yet His response when I fail (which happens often) doesn't end up making me feel terrible.
 
and that brings me to my next.....
 
2- When I don't live up to biblical standards, to not get so upset and down on myself about the sin that is inhibiting me from Him; trying to figure out some way to fix it...nothing I can do will really fix anything, and yet I seem to keep trying. The simple fact is: I SIN. *gasp* I know....bet that's a surprise.  Instead, I want to focus on how much He loves me anyways, and when I finally face the fact that I will never be completely free from my sins in this lifetime I will praise Him for that love/mercy (in other words, stop the self focus of my screwed up-ness and change my focus to His greatness).
 
I apologize if I seem upset. The truth is, that I am. No need to worry, because once again, another truth is that I get that way sometimes. Comes with the territory we call life. I love you all, and I appreciate your prayers and how much you love me. I pray that you may be filled completely with the fullness of Christ's love, and that you won't view the way you live your life as a failure simply because things go wrong sometimes, or others disapprove.
 
The only opinion that really matters is God's.....
 
.....and He will love you regardless, so stop feeling bad about yourself and enjoy how wonderfully He has made you (disclaimer: I AM NOT saying to revel in your sin and just do whatever seems right to you, not worrying about being changed with blatant disregard for those around you.  I do believe that we are sanctified by the Holy Spirit as we seek Him, and that we should strive to be holy; reacting to the scriptures and applying them to our life...our sanctification is a something requiring a relationship that relies on the actions of all parties: me and God. One part of spirituality is to learn to be aware of what is going around myself, including sin,  and allowing myself to feel its effects and then reacting; we cannot grow spiritually unless we allow ourselves to recognize sin...I'm simply saying to stop the constant sin focus and stop feeling inadequate when you mess up, or keep messing up, that's all; kinda like a perspective shift....hmmm...guess this blog could have been shorter, well, you know how I like to ramble). God bless you my wonderful friends and family, sorry if I didn't make any sense in the post.  But whose "journal" entry really does anyway?
 
 Feel free to comment if you would like, or you can also email me if you have anything you don't want to address over this site (although, not that many people actually view this silly blog): rachelrathburn@hotmail.com 
 
"So Jesus said to them, "For a little while longer the Light is among you. Walk while you have the Light, so that darkness will not overtake you; he who walks in the darkness does not know where he goes." John 12:35